flying

As we boarded the plane in JFK I was partly looking forward to the hours we'd have to sit and be together as a family.  I'd been gone the 3 days before.  I imagined that Clint and I would have a bit of time to talk while the girls peacefully slept on or next to us. 

At the ages of 3 months and 3 years, I figured that this might be the best overseas trip we'll have had in awhile or will have anytime soon.  We'd been over to Australia when Evee was 10 months and almost 2 years old...I'd choose not to travel around those ages again. 

But, this time we had a child who could talk to us, tell us what she needed, watch movies, and sleep while leaning on us.  And another who is super easy, had a basinette (at least for the LA to New Zealand portion), and goes to sleep without help on a regular basis. 

Within 30 minutes of our first flight Iris had eaten and fallen asleep and soon after Evee was leaning on Clint and asleep herself.  It was just as I'd imagined.  Perfect.

30 minutes later both girls were awake.

In the end it went fairly smooth and I figured it could only get better.  On the long flight we'd have a tv and a basinette and an extra seat for Evee to sleep on. 

As we boarded I almost told those around us not to worry since our girls would probably sleep the whole time.  I figured that as we reached our destination 12 hours later I'd hear a chorus of, "what great kids you have" and "they did fantastic".

How quickly I am humbled (and thankful that I kept my mouth shut). 

No, our girls were the loud ones.  They were the overly tired kiddos who missed just about an entire night's sleep.  Yes, yes, those were mine. 

Please don't be too quick to judge the crazy parents who bring multiple little ones on the plane and sit right next to you. 

It could be us :).

trust

I'm trusting that God speaks
I'm trusting that I can hear it
I trust that God is good
I trust that I am and will follow his leading
I trust that how I was created is good
I trust that even though I am small I do have a role to play to make life more beautiful

being with yourself

Today I was chatting with a friend about a recent visit with her parents. 

She was saying how easy her parents are to be around.  They help with whatever and are relaxed; not bothered by much.  She mentioned that they love to read and that it works out well.  If there is nothing to do, they read.  If they leave from a visit with their daughter and her family and accomplished reading 2 books, they are thrilled.

This got me thinking about people who are relaxed.  And then more so, people who are easy to be around.  Who I thought of were specifically people who like being with themselves.  They don't need the approval or devotion of another person, they are happy with who they are no matter what.

Sure, everyone likes encouragement and validation, but the people I was thinking of don't need it.  At parties I often seek these kind of people out.  I can stand by them, talk or not talk, and be comfortable...because they were comfortable before I even got there, with or without me (or anyone else, for that matter). 

Un-bothered about what people think, no need to be entertained, no reason to self depreciate.  They just are.  It's nice, being around these kind of people. 

upcoming

There is a new level of busyness to the next 3 weeks.  Traveling, meeting people, thinking a lot about who we are and how that fits with what we do...

Reminding myself that peace, simplicity and love are what keep me grounded (as well as planning and prayer :)).

These lines (from the song "In Christ Alone") have been running through my head over the last couple of weeks.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease,
My Comforter, my All in All, here in the love of Christ I stand.

I especially love the middle section...fears stilled and striving ceased.  That is peace.

Love is small.
Therefore as we progress about the day
I will give Evee undivided attention.  As she tells us stories and insights about her day I will listen, the first time.

"Always be faithful in little things, for in them our strength lies.  To God nothing is little.  He cannot make anything small; they are infinite." (Mother Teresa)

I love that word infinite in there.
It means:

•  immeasurably or inconceivably great
•  subject to no limitation
• being greater than any preassigned finite value

Infinite things are what often fill our days, in very small forms.  Little things that we cannot place any value on because we simply don't know the great value it might have.

communication

Last night I was reading an email and feeling a bit badly because of it.  After having Clint read the email and read back through a small string of previous emails, I realized that my initial email had not communicated what I'd wanted it to. 

When I had read the initial email to myself (in my head) it had sounded really nice and was meant to open up communication on a certain subject.  When Clint read it, it sounded a bit blunt and seemed like I'd already made a decision on the subject.  Interesting...

Some things I'm learning about communication

• It is so important that we communicate well (seems obvious, I know :)).
• I often need to give background information.  So much happens in this head of mine.  Often I start talking/writing after the conversation is halfway over in my head.  Obviously, it takes the other person/people a bit to catch up.  
• Things can be heard or read in so many different ways (again, something we all know).  It's helpful if I can think through it before I write or say it.

Going off that last bullet point, another thing I'm realizing is that I frequently apologize for how I might have come across.  This is not bad, per se, if my intent is that I think I've hurt the other person in some way.  But, I've just noticed that I mostly do this out of an assumption that they think the worst of me...which is really a judgment of them on my part.  Yikes.

So, here I am...striving to communicate better.

my grandparents

My dad is in town from overseas (which is worth a post itself because it's such a treat, but not what I'm posting about now).

Last night he talked with my grandma (his mom).  Their garage was burning down as she talked with him.  It's not attached to their house and they were fine within the process.  But it was scary and their car was in the garage.  And, even more importantly, my grandpa's tools were in the garage.  It was basically his workshop.

Over the course of years, my grandpa has put in so many hours out in that space.  As his grand kids, we have stood beside him as he has patiently worked on "special projects" for us.  I think of him, peacefully whistling while he thought and worked out there.  Some of the tools he used had been used by his own father and my dad and my brother...at least 4 generations.

My dad told me that my grandpa had just built a table for he and my grandma to work on their art projects (my grandma has been an artist all her life).  I know it may seem just a space as any space, but it was special and used and full of memories. 

And, I think about how we will go through easy and hard experiences our whole lives.  As my dad talked with my grandma last night I wondered how they would be positive through this.  My grandma was crying as she was on the phone with my dad, waiting for the firemen to get there, and watching their big garage burn and not be able to do anything about it.

And yet, when my dad followed up with them later my grandma was still her sweet self and my grandpa was positive.  And, it's my grandma's birthday today.  I realize, once again, that there will always be opportunities to choose how we respond. 

If I can't be content now, when can I be?
If I don't choose to see some joy, when will I?
And, for me personally - if I don't plan now, live simply now, be at peace now, love now...when can I?

Because no matter what life brings them, my grandma is still sweet and my grandpa will remain positive.  And, this I am thankful for.  And this I want to be.

Here are oldor pictures (from over a year ago) of my grandparents (with Evee, with my dad, with me).  Their garage is in the background of the last picture. 

love is small

Love is small.  There is no need for it to be grand, it simply needs to be present.

A couple of weekends ago I was thinking about how this is true.  I want to start loving intentionally.  Otherwise my days and moments can easily get filled with things that don't go beyond myself.  But to love intentionally, to think about someone else and actually following through, that is how I want to live. 

It's not that love is hard or that I don't want to love others...it's that if I'm not intentional I don't make the time to actually do it.  And, I add intentional because sometime the act is actually done, but love is not present.  

In light of this, we recently...

• Sent gifts to friends - wanting them to know that we were thinking about them, grieving with them and wanting them to know that we were remembering too.
• Sent a little reminder/encouragement for someone to enjoy being by herself
• Remembered a birthday and sent a gift to our nephew (I hate to add this to intentional love because it seems quite obvious, but sadly enough remembering a birthday is a huge feat within this home)

Love is small.  Love is something we are all capable to be and do.

"They are the small things of daily life: faithfulness, small words of kindness, a thought of others, our way of being silent, of looking, of speaking, and of acting." - Mother Teresa

Love does not care who we are.  We do not have to be special to give or partake it.  We don't need anything to give love or to be love to someone else.  It takes no money or prestige. It does not need the right opportunity.  It takes only of ourselves.

Small things done in great love can often be unnoticed, unseen...and yet I'm believing that this is where every good and beautiful thing starts.  In the small acts of love. It is simple.

I've been considering this:
Love is...
patient
kind
joyful in truth
protecting
trusting
hopeful
persevering

it is not...
envious
boastful
proud
rude
self seeking
easily angered
keeping tabs or recording wrongs
delighting in evil

There are many wonderful things that can be done, but they will fade.  If we don't have love, we really have nothing.  Love is the most beautiful. 
(1 Corinthians 13)

on judgement

"When those who are not supposed to sit in judgment do so, they very easily end up as gossiping old maids."  (St. Josemarie Escriva)

I've been thinking about this in the last day or so.  Thinking about how none of us are to sit in judgment...how there is usually much more than what we see in a situation...how grace and kindness and love are always the better way.

peace

Learning to live in peace and simplicity with gratitude is a beautiful thing.  Granted, it requires being conscious in each moment and drastically shifting (my) normal thought processes.  It means being present.  And lately, I’ll add for me, that it requires less self introspection. 

So thankful to be slowly taking in this life lesson and slowly (hopefully) have it breathe out of me.

Two summers ago I spent most days reflecting, processing, praying, sitting and taking walks by the water.  Since then I think often of having a heart that is full of peace and gratitude.  There have, undoubtedly, been moments when I feel like I am losing it, but life is (after all) a process and a journey. 

There is so much to be thankful for…So many good things to dwell upon…So many things, people, circumstances that bring peace.  It has been a beautiful exercise and discipline.  Whether in practicing it or failing to do it, I am learning.

And, in the process of peace, I realize how greatly it affects those around us.  It amazes me how you can “know” peace (or lack thereof) when you walk into a home or talk with a friend.  I have sensed a person at peace in someone I've never met...maybe someone sitting next to me at a coffee shop or someone I walk past on the street. 

My prayer is that through practicing a life of peace and simplicity I can somehow bring peace, justice and love to others.

reading and rain

This past week we had a rainy day that we also were able to simply be at home.  All day.  And it was lovely.

The first five days of this coming week are supposed to also be rainy and I'm guessing that it won't feel so lovely by the end of that.

Anyway, we took advantage of the day.  We made puppets, I drank coffee, we stayed in our pajamas till we ate a late lunch.  We made our own dark chocolate covered almonds and Evee played in the rain with her umbrella.

My favorite thing of late is to watch Evee sit next to Iris and read to her.  It's come about without any help from me...not because I didn't want it, but simply hadn't thought of it.  A few times now, after Iris is up from sleeping and I've laid her on a blanket or put her in the swing, Evee will run to grab a book (or 2 or 3) and sit down next to her.  We both get excited as Iris takes in all the pictures and sounds.  It's a very sweet exchange between the two.

on humility

  (note: Both the quotes are again from Mother Teresa.  Still reading through that book.)

"All that has been said about humility....all that you have read about humility is not enough to teach you humility.  You learn humility only by accepting humiliations.  And you will meet humiliation all through your life."

There have been moments in the last couple of days when I find myself thinking through something I've said (or multiple things, let's be honest here) or even something someone has said to me/about me.  Then I want to go back and clarify it, just in case it came off wrong, or I want to defend that I was trying to say something else or that I am someone else and wasn't portrayed correctly.

But, in the end, a bit of humility (often in the form of feeling humiliated) teaches me.
So, I will recognize that beauty and even peace can be found in the process of...
Feeling humiliated
Accepting humility (true knowledge of self)
Accepting grace
Letting it go
Moving on 

"If you are discouraged, it is a sign of pride because it shows you trust in your own powers.  Never bother about people's opinions.  Be humble and you will never be disturbed."