Friday, December 10, 2010

anger (three)

If you missed the first two posts they are here - (one) and (two).

I'll just post more of the email today.  I'm just copying and please excuse typos and all the other mistakes.  It was simply an email to my sister.

A few things that came to mind tonight when thinking about this...
  • When my mind starting going to "I'm doing this, he's not doing..." I stopped.  I told myself the truth about who Clint is AWESOME dad and husband.  He does a ton and would help out in anyway.  If we have a good chat about what needs to be done, it's even better (not me crying and angry and making him feel terrible).  
  • Right now it's a bit easier for me in the "comparison game"...Clint is doing a ton.  However, I've still made time for myself which has helped a lot.  Last year for Feb - May I had every Friday morning to myself.  I literally went to Panera every Friday morning and journaled or read.  It was awesome.  I don't regret a minute of that time spent "not working" or the $5 I spent.  It was worth it.
  • This year we put the girls to bed early - around 7/7:30.  I see my evenings as "my time".  Sure, my house is a bit messier for this season, but I'm not bitter about it works.  Like I said, I walk 5 nights a week (only started 3-4 weeks ago).  Partly due to wanting to lose baby weight but partly because Clint is running a lot for the marathon and I didn't want to resent that he got time to care about his body and I didn't.  He's never said a word bad about it.  I think he's super happy that I'm taking that time, in fact.  I did think through to find a time that worked for both of us.  I think if I went earlier I'd feel rushed and he couldn't get stuff done.  If I went later I'd feel like I was missing out on time to relax or hang out with Clint (or get stuff done if I feel like it).  Some nights I leave right before Evee goes to bed and other nights I quick put her to bed and then head out.  I love these walks...I breath and take in good thoughts.
Continued tomorrow...

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