Brokeness

Thinking about suffering and brokenness on this Good Friday evening.

A lot of time brokenness, for me, comes in the waiting or the unknown.  Although there have been many moments in the past years, I was thinking tonight that it has been awhile since I've felt almost uncontrollably broken.

Sure there was the unknown of leaving Indiana - friends, jobs, our home.  There have been moments in the process of coming and being at grad school - getting jobs, figuring out life in this season - where we are waiting. 

But the last time I, myself, felt so incredibly broken was when we were trying to get pregnant over 4 years ago and finally did after a year of trying, only to lose the baby soon after finding out we were indeed pregnant.  I was so desperate for a child.  So weary.  So confused.  Getting no answers.

In that situation I felt so little control.  So few (if any) answers as to why something so wonderful wasn't happening for us.  If children are a good gift from God and God gives good gifts to his children, why were we not getting pregnant?

Looking back I can see a few answers, but really I still don't know why it took awhile and then why we lost that first little life. 

Lately, my brokenness is for others.  This year in particular...maybe more broken for what is happening with others than ever before.  I know it will be again for me as it seems to be a part of life.  Sometimes I feel so deeply for those waiting or in unknown situations...situations that seem to have no answers or feel so desperate. 

Tonight as I was thinking over these things and dwelling on Christ's own suffering and brokenness, 2 things came to mind...
I AM there - Jehovah Shammah and
There is HOPE