Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Expectations

I have a few notes of things I am thankful for and a bunch are from this weekend - thoughts and gratitude.  So, those are coming...it's good to have a place that forces, in a sense, me to get these things out.  To put those thoughts, that at times can be so fleeting, onto "paper" and dwell on them longer than I normally would.

Tonight, though, I feel like defending myself.  Sometimes when I know I should do something, but don't have the energy and didn't follow through on it (even though I didn't say I would, but still knew it should be done), I have the desire to defend my life as it is right now. 

I've said it before...Even though I don't love our pace right now, this is where we are at and it is good.  And, it will change once summer hits (granted, there will be a baby as well, but still a slower change of pace...smile.). 

Sometimes I want to say, "I work a full 40 hours (sometimes more) each week, mostly with my 2 year old in tow; I am a wife and mom; I make meals for my family; I am pregnant and not done with the being tired phase; I am so tired each night at the end of my day; my husband is in grad. school full time; my husband also works part time; my husband still does stuff around the house; my own house is not clean right now; we've had a lot of company over the last month ; we've been sick a bit too..."

As I write that, I'm kind of laughing. 

And thinking about how thankful I am that Clint and I do both work and have Evee in tow (what a blessing!). 

And I'm thinking about how wonderful it has been to have great friends and family come stay (and we've been the company to others as well and I'm thankful for the hospitality). 

I'm thinking about how pathetic this all sounds and that it's silly to defend myself because I know full well there is a lot more out there than what I'm dealing with. 

I'm thinking that this is simply a season. 

I'm thankful that we can earn and save money. 

I'm thinking that at any time if we needed to change everything, we could.

Just needed to get that all out there.  Thanks for letting this be that space.  I'm thankful for grace and want to have grace for others - whether I feel understood or not. 

3 comments:

  1. So good Jamie! The "thinking and thanking" gave you a good perspective. We can ALL relate!! Thanks for your honesty.

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