Thursday, May 19, 2011

toys and things

I go through their closet, their room, her toys and books.  What will the few things be that I keep, that we bring with us?  In a suitcase for clothes, what special books might find their place? 

Few are kept easily…books made by grandparents and a friend, a special gift here and there…  Yet, other items are hard.  What do I do with a book we really loved, but could get again somewhere down the road?  Stuffed animals that make their rounds into bed now and again?  They aren’t essentials, per se, but bring comfort none the less.  What about dress up items and toys, too small for Evee but a year away from Iris potentially playing with them? 

In the end, there will only be so much room and so much reason to bring random things. 

In all reality, I love to simplify and I’ve wanted to get rid of some extra things for at least a year now.  Certainly not everything, but still... 

It’s simply what it symbolizes.  Leaving all.  

I remembered a conversation my brother and I had 11 years ago.  We were talking about marriage and what we’d bring to it, one positive and a negative.  He said that I was willing, meaning willing to do whatever and go wherever. 

As I laid in bed last night this came to mind.  I am willing.  I consider almost any decision…even this move across the globe.  It’s the surrender to the unknown that’s difficult.  I am willing, sure, but I don’t make decisions lightly.  I ponder, question, come back around to the answer. 

Last week was difficult in some ways as we've continued the process, in more tangible ways, of moving ahead.  It's been a gracious reminder that we have discerned, we are certain, and we are set on following God’s lead.  I will not look back.  I will not doubt.  I am willing and I am surrendered. 

I remind myself that in all things, Christ.  He is my reward, my guide and my peace.  And I will keep packing. 

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